Scooby Dudes

Scooby Dudes - Episode 42: "Scoobynatural" - Title Card by Sam Wade

"GET DOWN, MR. PRESIDENT!"

Dean "Jensen" Acklechester hears his brother Sam Padaleckchester say that Scooby-Doo is lame.

If this isn't the villain, it's the most raging, fire-truck-red red herring ever.

Sam: "What are you talking about, Dean? We're brothers. No-one would taint that with sexy slash fiction about us."

Dean: (opens new tab and types www.samanddeandoingit.org)

It's not easy to have such a slappable face; you've really got to hand it to Sam.

This moment is featured centrally in my ScoobyNatural Slash Fiction.

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Supernatural - Season 13, Episode 16: "Scoobynatural" - Title Animation by Unknown

While Fred and Daphne walk off the dance floor with one arm around the other, Shaggy and Velma opt to wave at one another from less than two feet apart.

If you swap out Daphne for Sam and replace the hand-kiss with something very similar but also very different, this aligns neatly with a scene from my slash fiction.

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WOW. The three hottest characters on television, all at the same table. We run the risk of a sexy singularity in this scene.

In the days before Lorem Ipsum newspaper typesetters would just fill in all the text boxes with black crayon.

No changes are needed to liken this scene to the finale of my hit work of ScoobyNatural slash fiction, Morning Dagwood. 

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Strangely enough, this was not the moment in the episode where Sam desperately needed - but could not locate - a restroom.

Fifty Shades wishes it had HALF of the sexual verve that we see between these characters. 

Director: "So Scooby in this scene your character learns that he is poised to collect an inheritance of up to a million dollars, but your character also harbors the knowledge that that money was made by a confederate Colonel, likely on the backs of slaves. We really want to see the conflict play out on your face - you want the money for the gang and yet the weight of history puts your present privilege in sharp relief. Got it? Alright, roll camera aaaaand ACTION!"

Scooby: (pulls this face) 

Like most people, we prefer to imagine the Winchester brothers' sleepwear as slightly less traditional and a little more nonexistent. 

Daphne-san: "Velma-kun, do you think that Sam-senpai is kawaii?"

Velma-san: "Th- that baka! I will never show him my magical princess gem transformation powers!"

A particularly troubling scene, as viewers are forced to choose between what is more frightening, the phantom or Cousin Simple's face.

Suffice to say, Jared Padalecki's audition for the main role in Blue's Clues was not a very successful one.

. . . there are no moments in my slash fiction that resemble this scene. 

That is, there weren't until now.

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Spare a thought, if you will, for Fred and Daphne, who exit this scene like hosts from Westworld.

Most dogs like their belly rubs or behind-the-ear scratches. Scooby? He likes when Shaggy pets his eyeballs.

Not pictured: one specter to the left making a 'Y' and two to the right making a 'C' and an 'A.'

All of these facial expressions feature strongly in my slash fiction. In fact, Castiel's expression makes multiple appearances.

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Fun Fact: in the original episode, Mr. Creeps' dismembered body does not actually appear on screen.

It's a little uncomfortable how Velma obsesses over Sam's broad, manly shoulders. Come on, Velma. Treat Sam like a real person and objectify his whole body: shoulders, pecs, glutes, quads, hammies, tris, abs, oblique abs, and all.

Alright, readers I'm going to be honest. Even with my extensive base of slash fiction-writing experience, even I don't know what depraved, deviant act Dean is gesticulating that he wants to do with Daphne.

Like Luke and Evan, Sam has a powerful effect on women. It's not the same effect that Luke and Evan have on women. But it's also powerful.

Velma recoils at the sheer size of Sam's pores.

Sam and Velma reenact how a married couple shouldn't discuss cleanliness around the home.

Dean explains why, from his perspective, this book is #1. 

Dean is so handsy in this episode that he manages to non-consensually grope an INTANGIBLE, ETHERERAL SPECTER.

This is eerily similar to my fan fiction, Human Scoobipede, but with noticeably more breathing room between the characters.

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Perhaps the first ever moment of straight-up, unadulterated Scooby fan service.

The personification of the #MeToo movement coming for the Winchester bros.

Having just witnessed Daphne's fan service moment, Fred learns about a lesser-known anime trope.

The gang is informed that Be Cool, Scooby-Doo! has been cancelled.

The American Teenager will bash its forehead repeatedly against the trunk of the tree until it has uncovered the delicious insects and grubs hidden within.

The gang is informed that audiences can re-live the magic of Be Cool, Scooby-Doo! with periodic revisitations by the Scooby Dudes.

Is it just me or is ascot-less Fred foxier than vulpine Baywatch?

A classic meet cute. 

What are the odds that this episode would feature a scene which is practically identical to the climax of my original online romance novel, Hologram Love is Forbidden in Sector Gigabyte.

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Director: "Look, you've been nailing the creepy faces all episode long. But we seriously do need just one non-creepy face to establish a baseline."

Creep: (pulls this face)

And here we see the oldest pledge ever to attempt initiation into House Beta-Fi-Kappa-Gemini.

Scooby is crestfallen to learn that the million dollars is all worthless Confederate money. And unlike in the original episode (and my slash fiction version of the original episode), Scooby doesn't even get a consolation bone.

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Castiel both describes and demonstrates the effects of a tapeworm on a canine.

Upon further inspection, Velma rather liked Sam's pores; each one was not unlike another mouth for the kissing.

Sam was not thrilled to learn what Castiel had to teach about tapeworms.

Dean had seen it all before.

Fun Fact: Dean will wear an ascot in all episodes of Supernatural from now on. I promise.

Villain: "Honestly officer it's amazing it took so long for me to get arrested. I mean look at this facial expression. I go to parks like this."

Dean delivers the final "Scooby-Dooby-Doo" as, off camera, Frank Welker flies into an inextinguishable rage.